Beautiful Goodbye.

Conversations our eyes shared.

Know that your beautiful goodbye was not left unseen.

I smiled. (and jumped in excitement in my head, haha)

But you were oblivious of it.

If only you knew. 

I know nothing of you but, John Doe.

My anxious eyes still do look for you in the crowd,

desiring for you to be there still so I know just where to find you,

and my thoughts do wander into a world of made-beliefs.

I will come and see you again.

Because I did not feel the least bit of alone,

when I was in actual fact alone.

You made it that way.

Thank you, M.

Inspired;

Beautiful Goodbye by Maroon 5.

Scribbles;

A world of made-beliefs.

Silly, silly me.
x

Little did she know.

Hello readers (if there are any) :D

It's my first time posting a blog with my phone. Wasn't intending to blog. But I was left with no options actually. Lost my only source where I could express myself; G. Resorted to blogging only because this is the one place I could still be invisible.

By the way I brought up this post, it is clear that this isn't going to be one of my cheerful, lighthearted, a-good-read posts. (My sincere apologies for that) But I can't hold it in any longer and bloggie, to you I count on.

"No matter what challenges that keeps us apart, we'll always find a way back to each other."

They did. They always did. But that isn't the case, this time. Does it really end there? ♡

"I chose to stay with him for all the things he's done right; not the one thing he's done wrong. I chose to forgive him."

He's not all that great and neither is she. But why is it that she could look pass all that and he couldn't? He let that stop them? Why? ♡

"Life's all about moments, of impact and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them?"

Did he forget everything? Did he let one thing ruin everything? ♡

"How do you look at the one you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away."

How do you? Because there has always been someone else, hasn't it? Why did she bother screwing her instincts when she could well be right? ♡

Every single day, they talked. And, when they finally didn't, they actually did something together. They could have had so much to talk about. All the heart-to-hearts. BUT, no. They never talked about it after that. It could not have reminded him of her (or could it?). Why would it? But, it reminded her of something. Showed her something. Made her realise what she has always been hiding from.

Little, did she know.

She cried. Because, she hated herself that much. She knew. This time, she knew. If only he knew that these tears streaming down her face are because she longed for him.

"We used to talk like lovers in the middle of the night. And now, we're hardly friends."

Were they just blank promises? Or was it just the easy way out? ♡

Inspired; 

The Vow.

Scribbles; 

Still discovering.

x

A rusty halo.

Ever felt like you've been taken advantage of?

Ever felt like you're under appreciated?

Ever felt like you're better off being mean?

I'm no saint but I'm nice. I know that because I hardly be mean to my friends (unless I really have to). I tend to lose my wits once in a while but that's only normal. At the end of the day, I'm human and I come with imperfections.

I always believed that if you treat a person well, you will be treated well in return. What goes around, comes around, right? Yeah. I believed that, too. Still do believe in it.

But more often than not, people take advantage of your niceness. God knows what has happened to this world. It is only a rare species who genuinely appreciates you for being nice. For being you. Now, everyone has an intention at the back of their minds. Bad intentions. And, one thing I know for sure, being taken advantage of isn't nice at all. It makes you feel so inferior. Like, someone has taken control over you.

It is because of that, people get tired of being nice. People get tired of caring. People get tired of tolerating. People get tired of compromising. People get tired of trying. People get tired of being the only one putting the effort. People lose hope. People lose faith. People stop believing in what they once believed.

The story of mine.
It's near impossible for me to stop trying. But I'm tired. I'm tired of all these.

Tired of being nice.
Because it just doesn't seem right. Nothing seems to go the way I want it to. Most of you make me feel that way, just foryourinfo.
Tired of tolerating with the nonsense some of you throw at me.
I can tolerate once, or twice. But I get tired. Tired of being at my losing end when you're being the winner.
Tired of being someone I'm not.
Someone you expect me to be. This is the end of it. R-I-P to the girl you used to know.
Tired of caring.
Because you couldn't care less about me.
Tired of being invisible. :(

What I'm trying to say is, there's a limit to everything. Stop fooling yourself by doing things others don't want you to do. It's your life. You make the decisions. Don't wake up and realise too late because yes, it could just slip away from you.

Why rusty halo, you ask? Well, it's actually a song by The Script but the title gave me a little inspiration. A perception of my own. Take the literal meaning of a rusty halo, it simply means, in my terms, 'Been nice for too long but was under appreciated, so stopped being nice'. Get it, now? :)

Inspired;

Rusty Halo by The Script

Remember;

Stick with the people who saw you when nobody else did.

Scribbles;

I got to shine my rusty halo.
x

You remind me of someone.

Am I the only one who realised that this world is full of duplicates (I don't mean twins)? Correct me if I'm wrong. But there are just way too many people who remind me of someone ELSE. Someone I know.

When was the last time you came across a friend who said something which reminds you of a particular person? Or does something which reminds you of a particular person? Or even, dresses up like that one particular person? A person you know who has those unique traits. That one person's trademark. BUT. How is it that someone else is now having that trait?

♥ It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.

(Think about it.)

"She (your best friend) is so likeable. Everyone admires and loves her. She's perfect. Too good to be true. She's so pretty! So bubbly! Everyone loves being with her but not me. She has such a great personality!"

These little thoughts leads to jealousy which drowns you in low self-esteem and inevitably, you wish you were her. And, you start being JUST LIKE HER! What does that leave you with? A carbon copy of HER!

(This applies to the guys too)

Why be someone you're not? Why be someone everyone knows? Why be someone everyone's familiar with?

♥ If God had wanted you otherwise, He would have created you otherwise.

♥ Always be a first-rate version of yourself,

instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Okay. Maybe she really is perfect. And, you wish you could be just like her. But all you need is her CONFIDENCE. We are all special in our own unique ways. The only difference between her and yourself is that she knows how to BE HERSELF and shine. You can, too.

She likes polka dots, just like everyone else.

But that doesn't mean you should stop liking stripes!

She's a fan of One Direction, just like everyone else.

But that doesn't mean you should stop liking Coldplay.

She's always dressed according to the latest fashion to date.

But that doesn't mean you should stop rocking that plain t-shirt and shorts.

♥ Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be,

because sooner or later, if you are posing,

you will forget the pose, and then where are you?

I mean, come on, at the end of the day, you'd want others to remember you as you. You wouldn't want to be remembered as THAT GIRL'S BEST FRIEND WHO IS JUST LIKE HER, do you?

Many of us TRY to fit into the 'popular' group. It happens everywhere. Primary school, high school, colleges, workplaces. Even in kindergartens, I'd say.

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.

Don't try to fit in! Just be yourself. Bear in mind that when you're busy trying to fit in, someone is appreciating you for who you are :)

♥ Wanting to be someone else, is the waste of the person that you are.

&, here's a wise reminder from ze teddy bear :

Don't forget to

:)

I like how you put a smile on my face.

"Cause I'm overly attracted

And terribly convinced that she could be my princess

And I could be her prince."

Why do such friends exist?

Here we go again, as a TRADITION,
it is most likely for me to apologise first,
and as usual, it's for abandoning my darling blog.

There's this thing which annoys me terrrrrrribly.
When you give an advice to a person,
ofcourse you want that person to follow it right?
Especially when u took all your time out,
JUST TO THINK for that person. Right?
And it is worst if it was for a FRIEND, right?

I cared so much for this friend.
I told her everything I could.
Not wanting her to go the wrong way.
Hey, look! I'm being blamed sometimes for your condition.
What am i? A puppet. OH GOSH! -.-
Fineeeeeee, i ignore those tiny problems you give me...
BUT, can you like consider the advices i give?
Those silent treatment that i gave you for the past few weeks,
were supposed to wake you up, apparently IT DIDN'T?
Guess what? I don't give a damn anymoreeeee!
I tried to help, but now I won't. WAKEUP, girl!
I know i'm bad for being like this, but i tried.

P/s Do Not Call Me A Bad Friend :(

Next, this is special.
Ohhhhh, Yes it is.
I HATE COPYCAAAAAAAAAAAATS!
GAAAH :X

Serious timeee.

It's time to get serious,
Mid-term's in 5 days time.
Prepared? No.
Studied? No.
Touched any books? Nope.
WHY? I've been busy designing the class tee.
I love it but I've been online-ing oh-so much.
Mom even tried to take the laptop away from me
WHEN i was using it, mom, awesomeness! :S

So, it's a must,

a commitment,

That i have to do.

Why yes,

it's time to..

READ! READ! and, READ!

So, that's that about my studies.

Have to be more focused :) Yes, I will!

Yesterday (Thursday), was an awesomazing day for me.

The question 'Why' is not allowed at the moment :P

Just one word, Happpppppy! :)

I know i did my very, very best!

And I hope the results will be great.

*praying hard, as always*

Today(Friday), was a day full with ups and downs.

i wasn't even sure whether i was happy or sad.

I couldn't even differentiate between the two feelings.

First of all, i'd love to dedicate this to my classmates.

You guys are definitely awesome in the

'Go Green Campaign-newspaper-collecting-thingy'

Can you imagine, 180+kg in just 3days? Awesome, is what i'd say.

But i truly apologise about the merit-issue. Sighs.

Wonder what happened to Ms Khoo,

she used to be so kind, even Pn Anzie said so.

Anyways, glad that Era and I told Pn Yong

and the headmistress about it :) Problem Solved.

Then, I had to snap some pics for Kerja Amal,
with Era, Rajes and WJ.
Looked back at the pics in my cam,
and couldn't stop laughing, because
it didn't look much like we were doing anything GOOD?
LOL. Though, a bit a bit ada lah :D

Rushed to LM with Era and Rajes after that,
to get presents for the teachers for Teacher's Day :))
wanted to get them photo frames, but expensive lah weh.
My class is sooooo broke :S Lmao.
so ended up getting the teachers keychains.
Cute, but suits you all or not? It's for you to decide :D


Rushed to Martin later. Had no class actually,
but entered Physics, Anwar, Anwar, Anwar..
My fingers are numb because of you. Lol.
Once you get to know what i'm talking about,
Good Luck and have fun :))
Cheh, yingyi got flexible hand verr. Ahem2.


:))

Owhhhhh )):

My darlings fell ill .
both of them , at the same time .
horrible is what i'd say .

Anyways, Get Well Soon ♥ ♥ :D

Why do i feel like we're falling apart?
Why do i have a sense of regret?
Is he the only right one for me,
even if i can never have him?
I've forgotten him, moving on..
because of, you.
But, Whyyyyyyyy?
U know ily )):

:)

didn't mean to disappoint you.

No more 'what the ikan'
sorrryyy my lovely readers.
yeahh, i know, and again, lama tak update kan?
hahahaha. sorryyy, especially to those who
nagged me to update my blog :P whoaps.

sooooo, what should i talk about?
hmmm, the carnival?
one thing's for sure, for those of
you who i've invited but couldn't make it,
LUCKY YOU :D ahahaha.
well, it's not that it was boring or what,
it was just that the carnival atmosphere
was NOT THERE - - Lol.
Still, credits to Wan Yee for all her effort
in organising this carnival.
Wan yee, u're stress-free now (: yayyy!

By the way, laughter is best medicine right?
for those who know me, you know i love to laugh.
and i'll have to admit that my laughing point is rather LOW!
However, there are people who laugh even more than i do.

during assembly today, there was a Cuti2 Msia dance
performed by Khatheja and some other girls.
the dance wasn't really that funny until there
was this so called 'kena rasuk' move. Hahhh!
i wasn't laughing actually, then i heard
Xin Hui saying 'waaa, Miss Hor laugh until so kua zhang'
translation with simple words : Miss Hor laughed until CRAZY.

so, i turned to ms hor, and i bursted into laughter. LOL.
even Pn Rogayah was laughing insanely, sampai air mata pun keluar.
HILARIOUS, i tell you. Guess who started laughing then?
ME! ME! ME! what was i laughing about?
MISS HOR AND PN ROGAYAH! Extremely Funnnyyyyyyyy! :)
cant believe that my english and chemistry teacher
could laugh soooo much over a dance move. the Zombie move.
hahahahah! (: (:



Homework, still undone D:

apologies?

Hello world !
i know, lama tak update, i know ;P
been busy lah, what to do? just kidding.
been LAZY ohkay. sounds better right? hahh!

Soooo, well,
had a really chaotic week lah.
ups and downs , as usual .
i think i'm starting to have some issues with,
Myself ): ):
Why? First, i think i've become hot-tempered..
make that SIZZLING-hot-tempered.
and, i think i tend to get really, really frust..
really, really FAST! and over small things. Why~o~why?

hmmm, shall talk about my exam results.
well, i hate the fact that i scored HALF the marks
of my Maths paper for my Add Maths paper. What the hell lah.
Why? they're both numbers.. right? Lol (:
Must work harder ady lah, no playplay.
Easier said than done.
Distractions. Distractions. Distractions.
there's the 'makes-me-forget-to-study' songs..
then there's the non-stop-multiplying homweork,
and tuition, and events at school.
speaking of events, MONDAY!
have to read the school rules during assembly.
Ohhh crap, sometimes, it sucks being class monitor ):
ohh ya, speaking of class monitor,
am gonna get my tag on MONDAY, too.
Aiyohh, that means, on stage twice? Eakkk :S
Wish me luck ohkay. Lol!

i have to admit, this year's co-curricular meetings
Suckeddd lah. suddenly everything's like
so, unfair. and i mean seriously, it's like
everyone boycott to do that to me!?
The same stupid excuse, everywhere i go.
but, u know what? whatever lah,
the thought of it kills me, so yeah!
Whatt? Nothing..... *winks*

recently, i've been having this stupid feeling,
of being left out. but sometimes, i know,
it's me, the one who doesn't want to go near.
Well, i have my reasons.

Mood for the week : Bad. don't ask why.

just some talkings.

didn't update my blog for a few days.
one word, LAZY. hahaha. [:
Anyways, there's only DAYS left until
school reopens, and that's like, fast,
seriously am scared okay. the word SPM freaks me out,
and apparently, finally getting to play basketball again
doesnt fascinate me in any way. I AM SCARED.

no more seniors, gonna be the seniors.
no more 4intan, gonna be 5intan.
no more not-walking-up-the-stairs-to-class,
gonna walk THREE STOREYS high of staircase to class.
And, no more so called honeymoon year. Hellooooo, SPM!
(freaking out) AHHHH, can u hear me scream? Lol. *being sarcastic*

Anyways, i really don't know how will the
first day of school turn out, i'm really scared.
gawdd, i seriously miss ky lah D:
okay, am gonna be freaking honest about this,
how is it possible for a person to walk
into sch on the first day and not see her
best fren there? Ohhhh goshhhh. T.T
this has gotta be the worst thought of my life.
and eventually becoming the worst DAY ): ):
i need a hug, right now!

i ran out of words to say ady.




so lost.

Mmmmmm ~

cute pic right?

i know! - - Lmao.

Anyways, random post alert!

Well, am so so so confused

with my stupid feelings lately.

It's like a cup of hot chocolate,

mixed with coffee and tea and mocha

and cappuccino and what else, water?

hahahaha, conclusion : MIXTURE

Yayyyyys,

movies with meikee tomorrow.

sleep early?

i miss (coughs) ehhh =\

): ):

ironically random post.

i just don't get it.
u hid the laptop from me,
u banned me from text messaging,
u dislike when i go to the cinemas too often.
But, hey! everyone knows, it's now,
holidays. give me a break lah.
in case you didn't know,
I've not spoken to her for almost
a week now, and i know I'm suffering.
she's my best friend lah yet i'm not talking to her.
i understand that I've been over-reacting,
but helloooo, i miss my best friend lah. ):

im sorry on my part..
but please, quit accusing D:

Bully sign?

BULLY ME !

honestly, sometimes

i really wonder whether

there's a 'bully-me' sign

on my, yes, innocent face !!

Hahhhh. Lmao.

]:

People from teachers,

to best friends, to friends,

to even strangers !

why-oh-why

do i always have to be the victim?

i just dont get it lahh. Eakk.

fantasy or nightmare?

first of all, i'm really, really fascinated by
the possibilities of knowing people far far away from fb.
somehow distanced friends are sooo nice.
But , i seriously didn't think that i'll end up
in such a big chaos, or should i say NIGHTMARE?

Not long ago, this nice human added me on fb.
yeahh, i made a mistake by giving too much details.
people say im stupid, but why do i ignore them?
am i just too stubborn to care? or was i defending you?
three words, i don't know lah. *sigh*
Getting to know this particular human was,
as i would like to say, a fantasy.
because i felt so comfortable around you.

but the nightmare began when i got to know her?
Nooooo ! Love her ! She's nice, like him.
Same bday date as me some more,
that's just so so awesome ! cuz i finally found ONE !
Anywayyyyyyys,
they're both nice to me,
but both WERE strangers to me? who cares.
the thing is, they're both madly in love with each other.
And i came in and ruined it? SO NOT MY INTENTION, LAH !
if i knew it earlier, i would had never interfered !
interfering, is just sooooo not darshika.
Dah lah both were strangers to me, now turned close frens.
and and dah lah, they're so far from me and,
aku budak kl woi =x AIYOK.

i won't interfere.
i just want to help.
how i wish i could just write their names here.
better just stick with their initials.

N & S !! please get back together.
u know ur feelings for each other very well.
So, just forget the past !! =D !!
I love you, BOTH very much.
I have to say, knowing the two of you,
is of course the sweetesttt thing of my life.



praying hard.
(=

imy, iny, ily.

i miss you.

i need you.

and well yeah,

i love you.

♥

blogggiiiee !

Bloggieeeee !

i miss you xD.

hahahaha.

i have been updating my

twitter that i have not

updated my blog. ooops.

im such a trait0r. LMAO.

Anyways, going to school tomorrow.

got this workshop thingy to attend.

just gonna have fun [:

nyehhh.

I MISS HIM ]:

3pekas to rushhhh. gawdd.

TWEEEEET ;D.

PEOPLE !

i just started twitter !

currently noob with it.

still, y0u can follow me aite.

[:

www.twitter.com/miszydarr

coughing ):

sometimes,

who knew that the worst things in life
could be happening right there, beside you?
all the time, and you couldn't realise it?
now...
finally, you n0ticed it, but it's too late !
you're trapped in those lies and cant get out,
when you scream your lungs off,
there isnt anyone who hears you, cuz who cares?
when you care for them, they dont see it?
and when they care for you, you dont see it?

what's this?
L-I-F-E?
i hope not !

i tried new things, new friends, new people.
trying to ERASE my horrible yet sweet past.
but i cant, i just cant ! it was tooooo sweeeet ! ]:
although the present is rather sweet,
they aren't as sweet as you.
i know i stil want my past dreams to come true.
every single challenge i went through,
i got over em' with pride, and now i know
there's only one THING that makes me happy.
the ONE, and only. no one else is able
to replace you, the precious thing.
you're just, irreplaceable.

i hope for a change,
i hope for no regrets,
i want to start all over again.
care to join me?

[:

sorry, for all my mistakes.
forget the past, please ! ]:
and, just giv me another chance.

my life, totally out of place right now.
the more i think about next year,
the more sad-er i become ]:

s0bs.

lalalala.

somehow,

i'm utterly, happy.

weird kan?

i think so, too.

heh heh heh.

[: